Postal Stress

So yesterday, I come home from work and I'm trying to keep my energy level up.  I do miss my family and I love to see them when I come home.

I told my kids (they're 8 and 9) that this is a summer on, not a summer off.  It's been criticized by some, but I'm confident in the decision.  I want their 3rd and 4th grade year to be fantastic.  And it's been proven that kids' brains turn to mush with 3 months of non-academic learning.

So I decided to treat this summer like mini-home school.  Some structure, some reading and writing, and electives.  My 9 year old wants to be a midwife and my 8 year old is in love with fireflies and butterflies.  So I let them read what they want about the subject, though about midwifery, that's under extreme selection.  She knows how babies grow, just not how they get started.

But yesterday, the girls didn't want to follow the schedule.  Or so I thought.  And I was so upset.  I said I gave up, people are right about this summer on is wrong for kids, no one likes what I do around the house, and down this yucky mental and verbal slide I went.  It was after my husband spoke gently to me, told me what happened during the day and consequently the girls did do as I asked, I felt awful.  And the frustration it seems came out of nowhere.  It seemed like something took over and I just spiraled over nothing.  I ended up actually crying that all of this, Lyme, motherhood, working, is taking its toll.  I hate crying.  Leads to headaches and I get plenty of those without tears.

But it was weird, as soon as that little black rain cloud left, all was right in the world.  I apologized to my husband and kids about the outburst.  But it alerts me that Lyme is affecting the emotions again.  And no, this was not PMS.  After PMS outbursts, the negative, angry feelings linger on, for me anyway.  The little mental black rain cloud with Lyme is quick entry, sudden departure.  Both PMS and Lyme leave the same kind of aftermath of hurt feelings and much apologizing on my part.

I woke this morning and talked with the girls and my husband and although everything was fine, the question remained, summer on or summer off?  I asked the girls and they both wanted summer on, they liked being on schedule.  I'm glad they both proved all my negativism wrong.