Today has been one of those roller coaster days. It's been either I have energy and feel like myself or it's like someone pulled the energy plug. Pain wise, same deal. Either it's been fine (or I've ignored it and did what I had to do) or it's been achy and sometimes sharp.
But this nausea is just...ugh. At first I thought it was from doxy being doxy, evil and manipulating. But I'm finding I'm having nausea all day. I'm hungry but nothing is appetizing because I think it'll make me nauseous. So as I'm holding off food, the nausea gets worse. I finally eat something and then a new, more intense wave of nausea goes through. Gratefully it's just nausea and not more. Which is good because I don't want
a) she's pregnant when I protest it's just the bloating and then they point to me losing my food as proof of pregnancy or
b) pity because I'm sick.
I've dealt with pity at work before. And as a strong woman, it's unnerving. An understanding or kind soul is one thing. Someone looking at you like you're just weak and, well, pitiful, is another. Lyme is humbling enough when you're not sure what part of your body is going to be attacked. Like today, as I'm sitting at my desk working, even now as I'm typing, that feeling that someone is squashing and squeezing my neck was almost unbearable and then it stopped. To go to my lymph nodes and swell and become painful. Then travel back to my elbow and shoulder joints, just because. There's no rhyme or reason other than, it hurts and you want it to go away but nothing works. So to be double humiliated with co-workers pitying on you does nothing for the self esteem but make want to whine in self-pity "Why me?!" But, I tell myself, why me? Because only a strong person can handle it and God thought that person is me, so let's own it.
And that line of reasoning works. Sometimes.
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